awesome: Rob Schneider, in a supplementary role
Whether it’s acting as one of the Gap girls, the role of the “you can do it” guy from The Waterboy, the “three seashells” cop from Demolition Man, or the foreign delivery guy from Big Daddy, Mssr. Schneider has always fared well in a supporting role. Why may you ask? Simply put, it gives him less of a chance to fuck things up. He also receives bonus points for the afore-mentioned performance in Demolition Man, mainly because as any of my high-school friends will tell you, I once showed up an hour late to my freshman Homecoming Dance because I was watching that movie at home. As you might guess, I wasn’t exactly a hit with the ladies at the time.
Regardless, I always felt that Rob Schneider always was great in efforts that did not require much substance from him, given that his acting “talents” tended to preclude him from the sentence I just wrote.
sucks: Rob Schneider, in a leading role
Feel free to peruse the man’s imdb.com page sometime. Literally, it’s a murderer’s row of the mediocre, and that may be being kind. These are the types of movies that if you stumbled upon them on TBS or were subjected to them on a long flight, you would at least consider ending your own life. Not that you'd do it, but it would at least be on the table. Case in point:
- The Hot Chick
- The Animal
- Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo
- Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
- The Benchwarmers
Holy shit. What an out and out travesty. This man has spewed more crap than Linda Blair in the Exorcist. The sheer volume of excrement this man has emitted into the atmosphere over the last decade or so has reportedly got his house listed as a Superfund site, where his movements are monitored constantly by the EPA.
In summation, I feel the creators of South Park really hit the nail on the head.
awesome/sucks: being an attractive young starlet and landing the romantic lead in a film, only to find out your co-star is Rob Schneider
Look at those beautiful young things!
(exasperated)
(sighing)
(momentarily questioning the meaning of life)
With Rob Schneider???? How does a Hollywood agent not avoid him like the plague??
Seriously, I honestly feel bad for these girls. You study all your life to be an actress. Drama classes and off-Broadway productions to really hone those acting chops. Toning your body at the gym, linguistics classes to sharpen accents and delivery, complete dedication. Finally landing that part. That's the awesome part. All that work, finally paying off. Then you show up to the set the first day and you’ve got Rob Schneider waiting for you. Talk about a kick in the proverbial junk.
Utterly unbelievable. No word yet on whether any of these women has ever been heard from again. Come to think of it, these girls all probably have their own island together somewhere, where they conduct Rob Schneider self-help groups to erase the painful scars of a misspent youth. They certainly can't show themselves around Hollywood anymore, as having made out with Rob Schneider - even if merely for a movie - is more acute career suicide than having acted in a German schiesse film. I think if these gals were given the option to have acted across from Schneider or getting herpes, they would probably side with the latter.
awesome/sucks vid of the day:
Quick hitters today. My continued mockery of David Lee Roth and a good take on the Pick-Up Artist.
1 comment:
Hard to disagree with anything you said, although I can't see how your awesome (in a supporting role) section omitted 3 of his greatest roles: Necessary Roughness (as the announcer), Home Alone 2 (hotel concierge), and Judge Dredd (including one memorable scene where he completely mocks leading man Stallone). Though I should own all three of these movies, I think only Judge Dredd is in my current catalog.
You have to at least give Schneider credit for making multiple movies with Sly -- let's just say Sly has a way of masking the bad acting of others.
Post a Comment