Did someone say shmishmorshion?

In my eyes, the quintessential awesome/sucks post should really leave the reader feeling divided. It should present the reader with such a contradictory set of emotions and thoughts such that the wisdom of King Solomon himself would crumble before it. In a sense, it should leave the reader with an unsettling sense of balance regarding the issue, despite the significant amount of awesomeness/suckitude. Increasing the intensity of this feeling aids in accomplishing this goal since it further highlights the contrast between its conflicting qualities. As such, for my first post I decided on a rather controversial subject that's both intense and sure to leave readers divided...


Abortion: The End of a Beginning (?)

Now, before I get into this, I want to make it absolutely clear that I am not saying it is either correct nor incorrect. This is not the forum for the ethics and morality behind this practice. I believe this post should be solely and entirely in line with the mission statement of this web log and simply serve to highlight the awesome, sucky and awesomely sucky aspects of said practice. So, without further ado:



-Awesome:

Stop me if you've heard this one...
Now, I don't know about you, but I find the inclusion of dead baby jokes into my repertoire of daily conversations harder and harder as I grow older. Well, let me fill you in on a dead-baby-joke-telling trade secret: Abortions are absolutely the perfect tangent into dead baby jokes. Nothing rescues a conversation drowning in abortion-related awkwardness like a few dead baby jokes. Try it the next time it comes up at the water cooler!

Stem Cell Research
As an active member of the research community, I feel I can validly speak for many researchers out there in saying that embryonic stem cell research holds a incredible amount of promise in devising regenerative cures for injury or degenerative illness. Despite this, many nations have instituted a moritorium on embryonic stem cell research due to the nature of the extraction process. If everyone would just stop having their period over it, we could probably cure a great deal of people from getting "old". Not to mention it would let Superman walk again.

Roe v. Wade
No singular case in the history of US litigation has been so cited, referenced and discussed as Roe v. Wade [no reference]. This seminal case essentially set a standard by which to judge all abortions on, so we can tell the good ones from the bad ones. So when your time comes to get one (and trust me, your time will come), you'll know whether your going to heaven or hell.

-Sucks:

You're getting a WHAT?!
Few medical procedures incur the wrath of peers and loved ones like abortion. That instant and almost visceral reaction people have to the mere mention of the word tends to be a bit of a buzzkill. In order to avoid some of the suckiness that accompanies the delivery of any abortion news you might have to someday bear, I offer a quick list of alternative names for this procedure that might lighten the blow and make the experience fun again...

• the half bake
• early bird special
  
• see a man about a coat...
  
• a frontal enema

The Wedge Issue
Much like gay marriage, the issue of abortion has turned into a partisan tool for politicians to build/tear-down idealogical proponents/opponents. It has become one of those hot-button topics that gets more debate than action, effectively making it one of those tried and true political litmus tests. Abortion should not cost/benefit politicians, unless of course they're biologically involved.

Technically, it's murder...
Ok, to get down to the honest and morbid core of it all, it is ending a life... all in the name of 'inconvenience'. But is it really? Um, yes... yes it is.

-Awesome/Sucks:

Dude, rally at the quad at 6 o'clock...
Having attended a university that so proudly brandishes its history of civil rights demonstrations like a prison hobo and his lovingly handcrafted shiv, I love protesting as much as the next radical liberal. Few issues have inspired as many demonstrations, acts of vandalism and even terrorism as has abortion [no reference]. These, undoubtedly, have their place in the annals of history but do they have a place in your neighborhood? No, listening to people argue about their value systems, upbringing, and religious/secular interests in regards to abortion is about as annoying as watching The View, except everyone's high on speed and really angry. These things are like the special Olympics, they sound good on paper, but once it all gets going...

It's always nice to have options
I mean, just picture receiving that dreaded phone call, "Hey Mike... remember that time you came over to watch Fight Club? Yeah well..."

(fast forward 74 hours)

Dr. Liberal McBabykiller: "Well, I never endorse this decision but she seems healthy enough, you guys can also have an abortion as they are still technically legal under the [inaudible mumbling and coughing] act of nineteen ninety[cough] ."

Whorey McSluterson: "You know, dear, I'm not to keen on it, but I haven't really ruled out an abortion."

The overwhelming wave of awesome/sucks that washes over you at this point has got to leave a disappointingly yet exciting, bittersweet taste in your murderous mouth... you sick fuck....