awesome: walking
I was going to go with JetBlue, but I’ve actually never flown with them. Pathetic, I know. Instead, I am left with the U.S. Airways, America Wests, and ATA’s of the world. Not exactly a murderer’s row.
Regarding my selection – I know what you’re thinking… walking’s for suckers. In fact, I have said those words on many occasions. Point taken. But given that I walk to and from work every day, I feel compelled to point out the benefits of walking from time to time. For instance, here are some fun facts about walking that may provide you with a slightly different perspective. Fun Fact #1: Did you know that walking for just 30 minutes a day can burn up to 300 calories a day? Fun Fact #2: Did you know that a consistent walking regimen can improve your metabolic rate by up to 15%? Fun Fact #3: Did you realize that by cleverly leveraging Google and making stuff up, you can provide an inordinate number of fun facts with dubious accuracy? Fun Fact #4: Did you know that you could count that on your billable hours? True story!
sucks: the train, the bus (tie)
Due to the potential for litigation, I will refrain from referencing specific train and bus transit providers. But suffice it to say, one is a train service that always derails and the other is a bus service that is an exhibit for the tragedy of the human condition. There are those old-timers who say that taking the train is a great way to see America and that it really gives you some perspective. Fuck that. I am a young man who is assaulted by thousands of visual images a day. I’m so desensitized that my first reaction to “Two Girls, One Cup” was not one of horror, but more of logistical query. These trips take too long and they are unfailingly uncomfortable, so you might as well fly. I will say though they have always been mighty kind to my hobo-brethren.
The bus, however, is the worst. I once bought a ticket to get on a red-eye bus from Jacksonville to Miami that left at 8pm and arrived at 4am at the airport. I saw things that can not be unseen. To be honest, I am still somewhat surprised to this day that I was not utilized in any sort of sketch-artist mockup that day. I saw a man wipe his nose with his sleeve, then his sleeve with his ass. That’s right – not wiping his ass with his sleeve, but the other way around. Truly, the degenerate circle of life. I think, in truth, The Onion said it best.
awesome/sucks: cabbies
Hey, Cabbie!
I have a love-hate affair with all cabbies. As the venerable sage JDB once uttered, “Rule #1: Never trust a cabbie.” Frankly, I think that should be rules two through ten as well. I’m sure one of the current rules is that their hygiene must be beyond bad, settling somewhere near “patently offensive.” Another immutable law with cabbies is that, if from Europe, their last names must contain at least twelve consecutive consonants. Umlats and accent marks are also appreciated.
As smelly and weird as cabbies can be, they usually are also pretty good at dealing with drunks, which is an invaluable skill to me. During one cab ride with JDB in Austin, he was so drunk that he threw up all over the backseat, so the cabbie yelled at us. Which sucked. But then I slipped him a twenty and he was cool. Which was awesome. The classic yin-yang that is the cabbie.
I implore everyone to add a great cab story they’ve encountered, because surely each experience is a unique, nuanced experience in the dynamic mosaic of the cabbie-fare relationship.
Godspeed cabbies.
awesome/sucks vid of the day:
This classic Will Smith vehicle. As a rapper sir, you are not legend.
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